The Bird of Time
by Ikonopeiston
Summary: Whatever happened to ...? Three old companions meet and remember.
1. Default Chapter

With hand firmly placed upon whatever the holy book of Spira is called, I swear I own none of these characters or places. They are the sole property of Square/Enix. I do own my thoughts about them and my speculations as to their further adventures.

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**The Bird of Time **

The day was well past the dawn on Mushroom Rock Road when the hover came to a gently bouncing stop at the entrance to the towering cleft in the rock wall. The men and women swarming around the wide access area like ants at a disturbed nest, paused briefly to check out the new arrival and then continued about their duties. Hovers were not a novelty here. With the world at peace, commerce thrived and no place was isolated from contact with another any longer.

The single figure which alit from the conveyance was a man of moderate height with hair so pale in color it seemed white in the light of the morning sun. He was dressed in the elaborate, embroidered robes of a Yevonite priest and moved with the easy briskness of youth. Projecting an air of total confidence, he approached one of the guards stationed at the opening to the complex.

"Greetings, I am Baralai, Praetor of New Yevon. I wish to pay a call upon your leader. Will you send him word that I am here?" The voice was a pleasantly musical light baritone.

"Did the Meyvn sent for you?" The rough man in the make-shift uniform asked.

"No. I am an old friend of his and have come to visit with him. Will you send word that I am here?" The priest repeated patiently undeterred by the question.

"I could but it wouldn't do any good. He's not here right now. You want to talk to one of his lieutenants?" Formality was obviously not greatly valued in this society.

"Yes, that will do for the moment."

"Go on in then. Go up the first floating rock, then walk around the path to the next one and take it to the elevating platform and then ... Oh hell, just ask somebody to show you the way." The guard grinned with embarrassment. "We don't get many strangers here."

Baralai smiled in return, "Don't worry. I'll manage to find my way. I've been here before."

Mushroom Rock Road was home to a unique phenomenon on Spira. It was called that from its peculiar rock formations shaped like the fungi also identified by that name. Some of these oddly formed stones could rise or fall when weight was placed upon them. The explorers who had discovered these oddities had mapped them out carefully and marked all those they found with symbols so that they could be used as natural lifts to the various levels on which the Youth League had constructed its headquarters.

The Youth League itself was an unlikely organization of the remnants of the Crusaders who formed its backbone and those veterans of the wars against Sin and Vegnagun who had no other place to call home. After the destruction of the great enemies, men and women who had spent their lives in training for battle suddenly found themselves with no occupation and, lest they become bandits or worse, had been encouraged by their former officers to form themselves into a militia of sorts. There were various units of the Youth League throughout the land but the main force and the governing body were here – on Mushroom Rock Road. The League was led by a Meyvn – the title meaning a person who has special knowledge or experience; an expert. That person was Nooj, one of the group which had defeated Vegnagun and had helped bring about the current time of peace. And it was this Meyvn the Praetor had come to see.

The area within the crevice teemed with persons of all ages busily conducting business of all sorts. There were gigantic machina guards in various stages of repair, some looking as though they had been untouched since the fall of Sin, others gleaming with oil and polished like valued artifacts. The final lift, an elevating platform instead of a floating stone, had been freshly painted and was attended by a man and a boy who courteously bowed the visitor onto the device.

"We're going to be moving to Kilika soon." The boy piped up, his face alight with pride. "We got a whole island there and it's warm. And no tents. We got us a castle."

The man, who by his look, was a seasoned fighter, gently hushed the child. "Don't talk about what we're going to do. Wait until we've done it. ... You want to go up to the top, sir?"

When he, at length, arrived at his destination, Baralai was not surprised to see that little had changed. Motley groups of recruits still drilled hap-hazardly in the courtyard, guards still stood sleepily at the gate and pennants still flew from the peaks of the massive tents.

"Baralai! What are you doing here? Things get too hot for you in Bevelle?"

He turned toward the voice he both recognized and had half expected to find here. "Paine! It's good to see you. Do you live here now?" He braced himself as she threw herself at him with a companionable embrace and drew back as quickly.

"Yes, I thought you knew." A faint blush illuminated her face and was gone. "I've been here for more than three years. What are you up to?"

"I've come to talk to Nooj and Gippal is out looking for you."

"Well, Nooj isn't here and Gippal won't find me unless he follows you here. Come on in and let's catch up." Paine gestured toward a small pavilion to the side of the main tent. "It's all right, Lucil. I'll handle this." She called out to the woman near the opening of headquarters. The red-head turned aside with a nod.

The two old friends stretched out in mismatched chairs on either side of a rickety table and Paine summoned a teenaged Leaguer to bring drinks and other refreshment.

"I hope you don't think it's too early for a nip. As I recall, you never took the restrictions on drinking too seriously." She grinned at Baralai. "Now, what are you doing these days?"

The white haired man loosened his outer robes and rested his feet on a convenient hassock. "Oh, it feels good to sit down in the shade and have you across the table. I'm trying to keep from losing my mind from boredom. I never dreamed being the head of the Church would involve so much paper and so little exercise. I spend my days deciding which archaic ceremony can be refurbished and which must be abandoned. And poor old Gippal ...I don't know if you've heard. Gippal and I are officially a couple now. The Church still doesn't like marriage but it has come to accept pairings like ours."

"I guess that's progress. Yes, I kinda thought you two would make it legal if you could. What's the objection to man/woman pairs."

"Children primarily. They worry that a married priest with children would pay them more attention than his duties. So until Gippal or I can get pregnant, we're safe." He leered happily at the woman in the black leather. "You do remember I have not always been exclusively Gippal oriented?"

Paine threw back her head and gave a shout of laughter. "And how I remember!" She punched him vigorously on the upper arm, almost upsetting his drink. "We had some high old times, didn't we? I remember trying to find a little privacy in the munitions tents and you almost setting off a box of shells when you slipped at exactly the wrong moment. And do you remember how that damn' sand would get into anything open and stick to anything moist?"

He shivered and cringed, "Don't remind me; I still get nightmares about that sand. However did we manage?"

"It was worth it." She smiled wistfully into the distance. "You were a talented youth."

"Gippal says I still am." He murmured with false modesty. "So it is you and Nooj? I always wondered – he's so discreet. And for three years!"

Paine turned her head away. "I don't want to talk about that right now. Maybe later. Have you heard anything about the others? You know – LeBlanc, Yuna, Rikku, the others?"

"Yes, we've kept up with them pretty well, being located at the gossip center of the planet. LeBlanc is mistress to O'Aka now. He made a fortune with his supply outlets and she was always one to follow the money. They built a house in Luca and give famously wild parties."

"She can't make him marry her?" Paine chuckled.

"Don't know. She may want to leave her options open. Who knows? A richer man might show up any day now. We went to a couple of their open houses. I tell you, Paine, you wouldn't believe how many ways they offered to get high. They had bowls of pills, stacks of potion vials, every kind of drink you can think of; it was a combination barroom and alchemist's lab. Gippal was all for filling his pockets and trying out everything. I had to bribe, threaten and wheedle him to keep him fairly sober. Left to his own devices, he'd still be flying."

"That sounds like LeBlanc. I could never figure out why she wanted Nooj. He has no taste at all for that sort of thing and would have half-killed her if she had brought drugs into his presence. I have never known a man who hated drugs more." She handed him the bowl of nuts.

The priest tossed a handful of crunchy treats into his mouth. When he had finished chewing, he went on, "Yuna joined a religious order and is in a convent when she isn't out succoring the unfortunate. When she accepted the fact her lost lover had been little more than a mental projection, she decided to devote her life to good works. It helped she was still a virgin even after all those chances not to be and she is currently in line to become the Mother Superior of her order when the old one dies. She goes around, hunting for worthy cases and alleviating their distress. Paine, she's driving everybody crazy. The Church doesn't know what to do with her. We don't have enough needy cases to occupy her time. Last month, I had to hire some people from Zanarkand to pretend to be paupers to get her off my back. I know she only wants to help but ..."

Once again Paine laughed without restraint. "I understand your problem. She was always fixated on being useful. Why not encourage her to set up a sisterhood in Macalania Woods and work on restoring the ecological balance there? That ought to keep her busy for the rest of her natural life."

"By all that's holy! I think you've got it! Thank you, Paine; that's a wonderful idea." Baralai jotted down a few words on his cuff. "I'll put that in train as soon as I get back." He leaned across the table and kissed her cheek.

She patted his hand and, taking note of the bustle around them, pushed up in her chair saying, "It's lunch time. Come on to the mess tent and eat a bit."

Once they had joined the others on the food line, Paine pointed out the striking red-haired woman sitting among a group of muscular Youth Leaguers. She was the one who had moved to intercept the visitor when he first arrived. "Look over there. That's Lucil; she's the main lieutenant here and takes over when Nooj is away."

"Why not you?" Baralai asked with a raised brow.

"I don't want the job. Can you really see me dealing with all these infants?"

"To be honest, I can't see Nooj dealing with them. Where is he and when will he be back?"

Paine busied herself with loading her tray. "He's gone on retreat. He does that fairly often when he can't stand being around people any more. He has a sort of hiding place not far away and holes up there for a few days until he is able to bear the demands again. I expect him back sometime in the morning. You will stay the night? We haven't finished catching up."

"Yes, I'll stay." Baralai had his own ideas about why he would stay but saw no reason to articulate them just yet. "I can't wait to tell you what Brother is doing these days."

"He's still alive? I thought all that jumping around would have killed him by now. What a pity."

After they had eaten, Paine, explaining she had a few duties to perform, directed him to a marquee set off to one side with lounges for rest and assured him she would be back in a few hours. The Praetor, weary from his morning's journey and filled with nourishing if not particularly interesting food, threw himself down for a nap. He expected to have no trouble dreaming himself to sleep, there was much he anticipated dreaming about.

It was approaching late afternoon when Baralai became aware of a gentle touch on his shoulder. He looked up to see Paine leaning over him. But such a different Paine. She was not wearing her customary costume of buckles and black leather. Instead she was draped in a flowing garment of a soft red color; it did not quite reach her knees and was belted with a silver cincture which matched the one holding back her hair. The color of the robe intensified the reddish hue of her eyes and made her look like some long neglected deity come to life.

"Wake up, Baralai. If you keep napping, you'll never get to sleep tonight. Come visit with me some more before dinner and tell me the rest of the story about the others." She held out a hand to pull him up.

He caught her hand and held it for a moment before implanting a kiss on the smooth back. With his lips still pressed against her skin, he looked up at her from under his brows. She was looking back at him with astonishment mixed with amusement. Gently, she disengaged her hand and turned away, silently leading him back to the pavilion they had occupied in the morning. The white-haired man was not dissatisfied with her reaction to his advance.

Once settled in their chairs and with refreshments at hand, Paine remarked, "You said Brother was involved in something entertaining..."

"Yes, I'll be willing to bet you didn't know what his profession was before he got mixed up in the Celsius adventure. ... He was a tattoo artist and now he's gone back to his craft. Gippal has seen his shop. It's a sort of traveling caravan which goes around to all the major settlements and cities on the continent, sets up for a few days or weeks and tattoos the hell out of anybody willing to pay. I am told he has a wide following of damn' fools who wait for him to come by and get another picture every time he does. As you might guess, he specializes in flame designs and is constantly called upon to permanently ink make-up on the faces of the deluded. Since he always used himself as a perambulating billboard, there is hardly an inch of him undecorated now. Gippal got so intrigued watching him work he had a small one of his own done."

Paine clapped her hands and snickered, "Gippal has a tattoo? What and where?"

"A just opening rose and in a place you would be unlikely to see." Her companion responded with a wink.

"Oh, there! Then you must see a lot of it." She was laughing again.

"A fair amount which is why he had it done. He claims it hurt like hell but was worth it to see my face the first time I spotted it." He joined her in her merriment.

"It seems all our old friends have prospered, after their individual leanings. So, what about Rikku? Is she helping Brother needle the crowds?"

"Not bloody likely. She's followed her own star and is now the head coach of the Women's Athletic Association in Luca. She spends her time happily sweating in the locker rooms and beds of the most energetic and muscular females on the planet. Rumor says she has gone through a score of lovers in the past few years and interweaves training with ... er ... more specialized forms of exercise. I hear she is extremely popular and has a waiting list a mile long. ... For coaching of course." He raised one corner of his mouth. "She can write her own ticket these days."

"I'm genuinely glad to hear that. It always seemed to me she needed somewhere to spend all that enthusiasm. And after I caught her peeking in the hot springs, I wondered if she might not be stifling her real inclinations. So that's the lot, eh?"

"Pretty much. Cid is still dabbling in a number of enterprises. Once he gets one running well, he starts up another. He has a fried chocobo franchise just beginning. Calls it Pappa C's Big Braised Breasts. Rin has his agencies – nothing changes with him. And Gippal is still mixed up with the Al Bhed Machina crew and spends a few days a month over at Djose with them. He hasn't aged a day and is still the sharpster he always was. He will always be Gippal, for which I am grateful. Did you ever sleep with him?" The priest asked casually.

"No, he was one I missed in my adventures. He seemed younger than I was and I couldn't take him seriously enough to let him in my bed – and other places." She shook her head.

"Now I've filled you in on the others, tell me about Nooj. What has he been doing these past five years. I've tried to make contact with him but he has always had an excuse which is why I came unannounced this time. Is there something wrong?"

"Not really. I'll tell you all after we eat. Let's go now, dinner should be ready."

After they had fed themselves and again taken possession of the private pavilion, Baralai gently patted Paine's knee. "Do you feel like telling me your story now? You need not if it will be too painful."

"No, it's all right. I just couldn't think of how to start." Paine tugged at her red skirt and rested her hand on top of Baralai's "You knew we were lovers during the time of the Crimson Squad tryouts? Toward the end of that period?"

"At about the time Gippal and I found one anther?"

"Yes, about then. Then when he shot us that put a quick end to the affair. After the rest of the later quest, after we destroyed Vegnagun, we got back together. He was trying to shed LeBlanc and I was hunting a place to get myself organized and we just fit again. I've been his lover ever since." She paused and seemed to be trying to gather herself.

"Is he still suicidal? Is that part of your distress?"

"Yes, he still wants to die and I can't make him want to live. I have failed him in a very deep and essential way. He is bored, Baralai. Nothing here interests him any longer. I don't think I interest him any longer. He hasn't slept with me for months and the last time it was more like a battle than an act of love. He wants to go off hunting death again and only his sense of obligation to the League stops him. One of these days, that last thread will break and he will stop looking for an honorable death and just step off one of these cliffs or put his dagger in his heart. What I fear most of all is that one day he will just turn his face to the wall and stop living by a pure act of will ... He is going into seclusion more often and when he comes back he is still distant and miserable. I don't know what to do." She let her head droop and stared resentfully into the distance.

"You say he is bored with his existence here? So are Gippal and I in Bevelle. That's what I'm here about. We want to get the four of us together again and go on another venture." The Praetor's voice rose as his excitement built. "Do you think he will be interested? And are you?" His hand slid a bit further up her thigh.

"Only if he is," she answered without hesitation. "I'm not going to be another one of those who ran off and left him alone. And as for him, I just don't know." Neither of them appeared to pay any attention to the clasped hands resting high on her leg.

They were gazing deeply into one another's eyes, their faces only inches apart when they became aware of a tall figure which had emerged from the surrounding darkness.

"Good evening, Baralai. This is quite a surprise. I was not expecting you and I think you were not expecting me so soon." The words came out slightly hoarse as though the speaker had not spoken aloud in some time.

The two in the pavilion looked up, startled, to see Nooj looming just outside the lantern light, his spectacles glittering like twin flames against the shadows. He moved haltingly under the shelter, becoming more menacing with each step.

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This is the end of Part One. A Part Two will follow shortly. The story was broken here because of excessive length and a change in tone.

Mar 27, 200551812912


	2. Part Two

Full marks to "Violent". Yes, this is a variation on "Each in the Cell of Himself". I wanted to turn the idea in my mind and see what came up. There is yet another variation on this theme in the works. Another experiment. If it is not a total disaster, I shall post it here as well. I enjoy playing with the same plots and characters and seeing how certain changes can influence outcomes and contrariwise, how stubborn some outcomes can be. It is good practice for writing all sorts of things.

I did much the same thing with two full length novels which are posted in Live Journal.

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**Part Two**

To Baralai, his old friend looked taller and leaner with his limp more pronounced and his face paler and more drawn. Lines which had been mere light sketches in the past had become deeply engraved in the ashen skin. The long hair had been cropped to waist length and was gathered into a mane-like mass at the nape of his neck. The machina limbs no longer gleamed with newness, being dulled by a multitude of scratches and scuffs. But the expression in the eyes and the twist of the mouth were all too familiar and the priest felt an uncontrollable frisson raise the flesh on his arms.

"Nooj! I thought you weren't due back 'til tomorrow." He exclaimed.

"Obviously," The dark man answered with a meaningful look at the clasped hands resting on Paine's upper thigh.

The woman casually moved away from the touch and stood, adjusting her clothing. "You said you would be back in the morning."

"I changed my mind." Nooj caught her forearm in his machina hand and, with a smooth tug, pulled her to him. He bent to her and kissed her hard on the mouth, forcing her lips apart in a deliberate display of possession. Paine resisted briefly then yielded to his embrace. They remained thus long enough to create a sense of discomfort in Baralai.

The priest pushed himself up from the lounge chair and retied his cincture. "I'll just be off to bed, then. We can talk in the morning."

"No, stay." Nooj summoned a servant with a gesture and directed the placement of another chair. "Tell me to what emergency we owe this sudden visit."

Baralai could not yet face the imperious face of the Meyvn and muttered quickly, "I was just thinking about something and decided to see if you were interested. You never answer my messages ..." He broke off hearing the nasally whining buzz in his voice.

Nooj ruffled his hand through the short pewter hair of the woman at his side, idly caressing the delicate bones of her skull. "So you came to catch me before I could avoid you again? Praetor, I have not been insulting you; I have only been trying to save time for us both. After all that has passed between us, I felt there was nothing more we had to offer one another. Nothing has changed, has it? You are still with Gippal, are you not?"

"Yes," the priest struggled to recover his confidence. Now he sounded truculent and defensive. "That's why I'm here. We thought ..."

"No." the Meyvn stated unequivocally, "I am not interested in a menage a trois or a menage a quartre and I doubt Paine is. We have our own arrangement, as she has surely explained." He looked at her with a raised brow.

"Stop it, Nooj!" The woman slapped him on the arm. "Don't play the fool. You don't do it well. Baralai has a proposal."

Nooj leaned back, lifting his left leg to lie alongside the right one on the footstool. "That was what I was declining. But if it deals with another subject, go ahead."

Baralai took a deep breath and began, "Gippal discovered a plague of mutant fiends down on the old road near where the hover crashed that time. They seem to be coming out of a narrow opening in the cliff. He and I thought the four of us might form a team again and go down to destroy them before they spread further." It was said all on a single lung's worth of air and left the man panting slightly and feeling ridiculous.

"A plague of fiends? How many make a plague? Are you sure these are fiends and it is a plague? Could it not be a local outbreak of rabies or some other endemic illness among the local fauna?" There was a tone of scornful disbelief in the response. "So you want us to join you and Gippal in a mission of extermination? As a sort of planetary pest control? Baralai, you cannot be serious."

"The mutants are dangerous; they're carrying diseases and..."

"Stop being difficult, Nooj. Listen to the man; he's not making a joke." Paine snarled, twisting away from the hand still resting on her head.

He looked at her with wry amusement, as though she were a pet snapping at his fingers, "Very well. Priest, present your proposal in full. You have my complete attention." He stretched back in his chair, propping his cane carefully against the table, folding his hands and gazing intently at the Praetor.

"There isn't much more to say. We, Gippal and I, thought it might be interesting to relive some of the better times we had when we were all together before. This is a chance to get away from the boredom of our duties and do some good for Spira at the same time. ... Well, are you interested?" Baralai demanded, having regained some of his confidence.

The woman looked at her lover and, seeing he was preserving his facade of fascinated involvement in the words of their guest, answered, "I think it sounds like fun. We've all been stuck in the same old routine for a while. I think it would do us good to get out and hack some monsters." She swung her free arm as if she held her sword. "Don't you, Nooj?"

"Let me make sure I understand this clearly," he drawled. "You want me to abandon my duties to the members of the Youth League and set off on a juvenile adventure to camp out and kill some pathetically deformed animals which may or may not be rabid or otherwise diseased? And you want to embark on this venture because you and your close companion are bored and long to relive your glory days? Oh, grow up, priest." Stark contempt colored the word. "Life is not an endless pageant for your amusement. It is not a storeroom where you can preserve your youth like a trophy in a case. We have had our turn in the sun. It is time we assumed the roles which fate has assigned us and behaved like adults, not retarded children."

"And I suppose your incessant lust after death is adult? If you want it so much, why are you still breathing? Taydrcaagan!" Baralai's fair skin flushed as scarlet as the wine in his glass. "Why are you still alive?"

Nooj glanced up mildly, "That is a fair question. I still live because I have not found a proper place to die. If I thought your geste might lead me to that spot, I would not hesitate to join you. As it is, I must continue here for a while yet until the League is strong enough to manage on its own. Then I shall set out on my own quest again, alone this time so that there will be no interference." He emptied his glass and gestured to the waiting servant for more.

"So you're not interested? Is that what you are trying to say?"

"Not trying, priest. That is what I am saying." Nooj peered over his spectacles. "You have nothing to offer me worth my taking."

"And Paine?" Baralai glared at him.

Before she could respond, Nooj broke in, "Paine is her own woman. She can do as she wills. I have responsibilities and will not shirk them; she is not so burdened. If she wishes to go play games with you and your gunsel, she is within her rights to do so." He did not even glance at her.

Paine took a deep breath, "I understand what you're doing, Baralai. It's hard to give up a life of adventure to be a bureaucrat and, face it, that's what we've all become. Instead of blithely running around the world doing what we want to do when we want to do it, we have to stay put and make sure the plumbing works. It's not fun anymore. I know that and so do we all."

She gazed deeply into her wine glass. "If I followed my inclinations, I'd be onto this in an instant. What a treat! Chopping the heads off bunny-rabbits to keep them from multiplying." There was no escaping the mockery in her tone. "But no, I don't think I will. I've done that and it was amusing. But now ..."

"You are not often so verbose." Nooj took her hand and kissed the palm gallantly. "Well, there you have it, Praetor. I am sorry you have made your journey to no purpose. However, you are welcome to try to recruit some of the League if you wish."

The white haired man did not look at his companions. He sat for a long time twisting the stem of the glass between his fingers. The silence grew steadily more heavy until the little noises of the night became almost deafening by contrast. It was not the companionable silence of old friends comfortable with one another but the awkward silence which arises among strangers who can think of nothing further to say.

"No. I won't try to seduce any of the young ones." The priest finally answered. "You're right, both of you. This is just a try to go back and relive some things I probably remember as better than they were. You don't seem to have the sort of memory I thought we shared. I think circumstances have insulated Gippal and me from reality to a certain extent. We rule from a distance in our own realms. But it's so damned boring!" He burst out in a loud voice. "I sit on a throne in Bevelle and adjudicate the arguments of a horde of tedious clerics. Gippal goes to Djose and portions out decisions to a squabbling bunch of greasy-handed mechanics. All we ever do any more is talk! We're not ready to be put on pedestals yet. We're not old!" He scrambled to his feet.

Paine laughed softly. "And you're not kids anymore. Face it, my friend, the world is changing and shifting under us"

He scowled, "You didn't use to talk this much. You acted."

"That was when I didn't know as much."

Nooj raised a hand and commanded their attention before he levered himself up it his feet and spoke. "I am pleased we have come to agreement on this." Boredom hung heavily from his words. "Reality is not the easiest thing to face. We, the four of us, have lived during a period of monsters and great deeds but that time is over now. The world is largely at peace and there is no more demand for such as we were then."

"So what do you recommend? That we sit and fossilize while we wait for death? I'm not ready to give it all up even if you are. I still have fire in my veins." The Praetor was more than slightly drunk.

Nooj smiled, a frightening smile of contempt and dismissal. "Do you now? And how do you intend to convince the universe of that? By running around, trying to relive your teen-aged years when you still had all your options open and the world was yours? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you will look and how the ones who are truly young will mock you behind your back? Don't make a fool of yourself before you have to."

"Is is better to follow your example and grow old and bitter before my time? Were you ever young, Nooj? Did you ever sense life stretching out in front of you like an endless banquet?" Forgetting courtesy, the priest struck out with a vehemence unlike his usual demeanor.

"You have learned to ask better questions as you have grown older." The other replied with a sneer. "No, I do not think I was ever young. At least not in the sense you mean. I was never inclined to dash off and save the world at a moment's notice."

"You were a Crusader and you tried out for the Crimson Squad. And you fought Vegnagun." The last statement was thrown down like a winning trump.

"I had to eat... until I could find a place and a way to die. Fighting was less boring than any of the other professions available to me. And I fought Vegnagun because I intended to die in that battle." Nooj leaned forward like a snake about to strike. "You never understood me at all. You know nothing about me, even now, after all this time."

"When did you ever bother to explain yourself?" Baralai snapped back. The two men had forgotten the woman who was curled up in her chair watching them like a spectator at a lethal match. They were as intent on one another as a pair of dogs in a pit.

Nooj snarled, "When was I ever obligated to explain anything to dullards like you and the Al Bhed? I went my way, kept you alive and asked nothing save to be left alone to find my own destiny."

"You left out the little bit about shooting us in the back. Did you forget that? We were leaving you alone when you tried to murder us." Spittle flew from the priest's mouth.

"If I had tried to murder you, you would not be sitting here drinking wine. You would be bare bones in the earth. Great gods, am I to hear that same old stale complaint every time you try to answer me? I shot you, yes, I admit it. I shot you and it would have been better had I not decided at that last instant to let you live." The scarlet glitter in the Meyvn's eyes left little room for compromise.

Paine swung her legs around and stood, interposing her body between the two men, her arms outstretched with a hand flat against each chest. "Shut up, both of you. It's no good going over this again."

Nooj drew his breath raggedly as though he had just run up a steep path. "You always were the sensible one. She's right, Baralai, this is stupid stuff."

The Praetor dropped his head in his hands and bent over from the waist. "I was out of line there and I apologize, Nooj. It's just that I am so tired ..."

"Yes, I can understand that." Nooj laid his left hand gently on the younger man's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You have had a long day, I think. And I think it did not end as you expected." He looked first at Paine and then at Baralai. "I returned just a few hours too soon."

The priest smiled a weak and somewhat sickly smile. "I won't deny I would have liked ..." He turned away from the others.

"It would be wiser not to say it. Once said, it cannot be unsaid." The Meyvn spoke softly, "I think we should part now. It is time to sleep."

Paine nodded, "Tomorrow will come soon and the sun will shine again."

"And what will become of us all? Is this all we have left to look forward to? The rising of the sun and another day?"

Nooj stood tall in the lamp light; the glow made him look suddenly younger. "There is no 'we' any more, Baralai. There was never the cohesive quartet you try to create in your memory. There were always four individuals each motivated by his own needs. We came together as those needs dictated but there was never a bonding. We were then and remain now profoundly alien to one another. Let it go, priest. Your dream is based on a faulty premise. You have your own future to deal with. I assume it includes Gippal. The two of you will create a place where you can find what happiness is to be found - if happiness exists. Paine will continue her exploration of herself. She has changed, as you see. She will change more and will become a great and powerful woman. I am as certain of that as I am of anything in this world."

"And you – Captain? What will become of you?" Baralai reached out to the man in scarlet. He did not dare complete the gesture and let his hand hang there, poised in the air. "What will you do?"

The harsh light carved the face of the Meyvn into a totemic mask. "I? I will do what I always said I would do. I will die. What else?"

Three narrow shadows stretched until they lost themselves in the darkness beyond the pavilion, outside the pool of light cast by the lamp. Three dark paths pointing in similar directions, parallel but apart. Nothing was changed; everything was changed. The night was growing colder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "Gunsel" is an interesting word. It originally defined an effeminate, homosexual male and only later (thanks to Dashiell Hammett) took on the meaning of a young hoodlum who frequently, but not always, used a gun to work his mischief. Nooj is using it in both its meanings here.

Apr 5, 20055181299


End file.
